can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
if i can run in heels then i can drive
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
