Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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