I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
