Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
