I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
