Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
