I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
