What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Randomize
