what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
