I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
