sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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