Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
