You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
