she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Mom said you looked used
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
