Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
