At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
