giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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