There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize