I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
