I wish I only lived at night.
My cat gives me a boner
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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