Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize