I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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