Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
