so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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