My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
