Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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