Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
