i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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