Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
