guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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