I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
PANTIES FOUND
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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