I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
