Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
