I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
