Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
