some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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