I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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