OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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