I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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