I could have mohawked her pubes.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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