Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
