and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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