a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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