there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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