I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
