So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
