I just made out with a guy for $7.
so explain again why im purple
no
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
