I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
