My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
