His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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