Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize