I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
