3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
