It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize