wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
