She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
