Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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