Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
