I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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