Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
