he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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