Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
