I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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