Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
