I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
