watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
