I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I want to be your penis for a week.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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