Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
