I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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