I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize