It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
