i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
