Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
