lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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