Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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